Coleen advises a reader who broke up with her long term partner when she realised the relationship wasn't right - but he contacts her all the time and she's worried she'll meet up with him again...09:48, 20 Jul 2026Updated 09:48, 20 Jul 2026Dear Coleen,I was with my boyfriend for a decade and, when I turned 35 a couple of months ago, I finally found the strength to end the relationship. It became very clear to me that I could get to 40 and still be with him and still be miserable.It was a very up and down relationship dictated by his mood swings. If he was happy, things were great; if he wasn’t, he could sulk for days or disappear on a bender.I was exhausted by it and sick of walking on eggshells and trying to guess his mood. I even had to take antidepressants for a while to help.On the flipside, he’s very attractive and charming, and fantastic company. People love him and he has a lot of friends, but they don’t have to deal with his moods.‌My problem is, I still really miss him, even though I know he’s no good for me and that I had to get out to save my sanity. It would be easy if I hated him, but I don’t and he was never abusive or aggressive in any way; just self-absorbed, selfish and arrogant sometimes.He still contacts me all the time and I know in a weak moment I could easily give in and meet him. What the hell is wrong with me? I need your advice.Coleen says,First of all, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly normal to miss someone you’ve been with for 10 years, but it doesn’t mean he’s right for you and that you should go back to him. You can’t just turn your emotions on and off like a tap. You need proper time on your own to adjust and heal, and to stop missing him.‌You’re romanticising the past and ignoring all the bad stuff that made you leave him. So, keep reminding yourself of how he made you feel, to the point where you had to take antidepressants and eventually end the relationship.How does it feel not to have that daily stress of never knowing what mood you’ll find him in and how it’s going to impact your day? I bet it feels like a weight has been lifted.Of course there were great times, but not enough to commit to spending your life with him. If you did go back, what will have changed? My guess is nothing.‌It’s nice to speak to him now because you’re not living with him and dealing with his moods. My advice would be to dial back the contact until you’re in a stronger place. You can do it. Keep going.Coleen's words of wisdomNever change yourself to fit in with a certain group or to make others feel comfortable. The right people will always accept you as you are. You don’t need anyone’s approval to simply be yourself.Choose Daily Mirror as a 'Preferred Source' on Google News for quick access to the news you value.‌