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As coronations go, this was a particularly flat one. Instead of Zadok the Priest we were treated to New Order. To nobody’s surprise Andy Burnham was unveiled this afternoon as Leader of the Labour party to a select audience of lanyard-wearing goons, cronies and Neil Kinnock.
First we were subjected to Lucy Powell, who had the distinction of being sacked by Keir Starmer for being too incompetent. In a cabinet which includes Rachel Reeves that’s no mean feat. ‘It’s kinda non-uniform day,’ babbled Powell, who is astonishingly the Deputy Leader of the governing party of a G7 power and not Deputy Idiot of a village somewhere. The Russians and the Chinese must be crapping themselves.
‘I’m pleased and proud of how we’ve gone through this process, as one Labour family,’ Powell described the defenestration of a sitting Prime Minister as if it were a Teddy Bear’s picnic. Perhaps a chimp’s tea party would be more accurate. ‘We’ve shown the best version of ourselves to the country,’ Powell continued, radiating inanity. If this has been the Labour party’s best version of themselves then God only knows what their worst version looks like. Powell implied that they should be proud of the fact they’ve not spent the last month running naked smeared in goat’s blood and bird faeces.
