A child begins to believe that relying on themselves is easier since the adults around them are too busy, absent, stressed or unreliable (Photo: iStock)
A child can be unusually capable from a young age. They take charge and handle challenges on their own while never asking for help. While this may look like confidence and maturity, psychologist Faith Nyoike says that it is a sign of hyper-independence, a coping mechanism that manifests due to inconsistent caregiving, emotional neglect, and being forced to grow up too quickly.
Faith says that hyper-independence is a protective mechanism in which a child believes relying on others is unsafe since they have learned that support may not be available when they need it. This is different from self-reliance.
“The child begins to believe that relying on themselves is easier since the adults around them are too busy, absent, stressed or unreliable,” she says.
She says that healthy independence empowers children to see both their strengths and limits. A healthy, independent child knows what they can do on their own but also knows when to ask for help. Hyper-independence is different; the child keeps struggling alone even when support is available.
