Victoria Lane
Comp. 3458 invited you to submit a fictional character’s stepping-down letter. A new light was cast on various figures, from Joseph Houlihan’s Big Brother wanting more time with his family to Sylvia Fairley’s Miss Jean Brodie considering a non-ministerial position in the Scottish parliament: ‘I’m prepared to accept a modest salary and I shall let it be known that I own an adequate coffee machine, a good fountain pen that I’ve used for years and a reliable watch…’. Jeeves and Bond each made three appearances (nods to Nicholas Lee, John Moore, Ralph Goldswain and W.J. Webster). There were many very good entries, but the £25 vouchers go to those below.
My Dear Doctor – Following our recent contretemps I shall leave Rugby forthwith, simultaneously resigning from the position of School Bully, which I have filled happily, and I think effectively, for some years. You severely criticise my methods, yet are not our aims identical – to produce future rulers of the Empire? You offer them a philosophy to spout piously; I have been more practical. You dislike my practice of roasting fags over the fire; but what better preparation for the scorching temperatures of our tropical dominions? You resent whatyou term my ‘arrogant, sneering manner’, yet perhaps I deliberately assumed this as a model that scholars might learn to emulate, whether dealing with lesser breeds, with social inferiors, or with womenfolk. I like to think that in future life-quandaries, the question ‘What would Flashman do?’ will pop into their minds. They will know the answer. They will flourish.
