OpinionJuly 13, 2026 — 11:30amWeather Warning! Incoming! Forget the heatwave. The UK is about to be hit with a huge fog of smug. England has a considerable chance of winning the World Cup and the fevered anticipation of victory has temperatures rising.If England win, the most annoying song in the world, Football’s Coming Home, will replace God Save the King as the national anthem. The victory parade won’t end before the next tournament. The UN may need to establish a no-boasting zone.Is football “coming home”? England fans at the World Cup in the US.AP Photo/Mike StewartAt least 1966 (England’s solitary World Cup success) will finally get a day off. But won’t they lord it over us? Future historians will refer to this time as the Great Gloating. Poms already have a superiority complex. The clue is in what they call themselves: not small, not medium, but Great Britain. Not only did they run the biggest empire in human history but what language does the whole world speak? Oh yes, English. No wonder I’ve looked up so many noses since living here; even people shorter than me.But the English male football obsession is perplexing. It’s not as though the Poms are all that sporty. Their preferred leisure activity is afternoon tea or Scrabble, in which there is not much potential for sweat. Nor does watching Harry Kane and Jude Bellingham actually motivate them to do anything vaguely athletic. They only time my English pals have been known to run was when our local pub caught fire.And yet, Wednesday’s semi-final against Argentina will be the most nerve-wracking event of their lives … well, which doesn’t involve a proctologist. Famed for their stiff upper everythings, you normally have to do open-heart surgery to know what’s going on inside an Englishman. We’re talking about blokes who, didn’t blub in Titanic and don’t even say “I love you” to the woman who bears their children … yet weep blood when the game goes into extra time. English blokes are famously uncomfortable with displays of affection. Normally, the only thing he’ll ever have his arm around in public is a pint glass. Yet English pubs are now full of men hugging and kissing.So, yes, if they do win, the Poms will be insufferable. But if they lose, it could be even worse. The English also possess an Eeyore gene; they’ve mastered the art of negative thinking. Limeys are built for pain. Posher English blokes all have corrugated bottoms from being beaten so much at boarding school; which is why they’re constantly rushing off to brothels to be whipped with bits of wet lettuce. And these masochistic tendencies cross all classes. After all, this is the only nation in the world who had a revolution … then asked the monarchy back.England is showing the love for Harry Kane (left) and Jude Bellingham.APReform UK, which is leading in the polls, constantly manufacture arguments because they like nothing more than optimum whingeing opportunities. Nigel Farage sees the bad side of everything. If he had his way he’d be skywriting “there is no such thing as Santa” over Euro Disney.But if Argentina do wreak revenge for the Falklands, the English can take comfort from their more quirky national sporting competitions at which they excel – bog snorkelling, welly wanging, cheese rolling, lawn mower racing. In a small village in Norfolk, a friend of mine recently watched a snail called Bilbo Sluggins win the World Snail Racing Championship by completing the course in a thrilling two minutes.But win or lose, English women are preparing for stormy weather. What with the tantrums, moping and mood swings we’re girding our loins for a few fraught days of male PMT – Pre-Match Tension. In fact, I’m not sure English men should be allowed to be pilots or prime ministers right now, are you? They’re just far too over-emotional.Kathy Lette splits her time between London and Sydney. Her latest novel, The Sisterhood Rules is published by Bloomsbury.Get a weekly wrap of views that will challenge, champion and inform your own. Sign up for our Opinion newsletter.From our partners