The author vowed to care for her parents as they aged.
Courtesy of Lindsay Karp
"I'll try to meet you there," I told my mother a few months ago, one evening before bed. "I'm not feeling great, but I'll do my best," I confirmed before hanging up the phone. The next morning, my 71-year-old mother had surgery to lift her bladder. My 74-year-old father is a stage 4 tongue cancer survivor now dealing with the overwhelming downstream effects of radiation — and I live with multiple sclerosis (MS) — so usually my otherwise healthy mother plays the caregiver role.She was present at most of my appointments during the 13 years I searched for a diagnosis through early adulthood. She attends every medical visit with my father and often takes me for my immunosuppressive infusion. She was beside me for the birth of my older son in 2011 and later cared for him when my younger son was born in 2014. Lying in the hospital bed that Monday morning, she threw our normal family narrative off kilter.I'd never seen my mom that vulnerable beforeI walked into her hospital room just as she arrived post-recovery, the anesthesia still swirling through her system. "Can you fill this out for me?" she asked, handing me the cafeteria menu for her overnight stay. "I can't read right now," she continued, her words ever so slightly slurred. In that moment, it occurred to me that I'd never seen her like this: vulnerable and dependent."Pasta alfredo with chicken or mac and cheese for dinner?" I asked, chuckling, knowing a discussion of the absurdity of a hospital offering only pasta options would ensue. "I'll write-in chicken breast with vegetables and rice," I suggested, handing her the cranberry juice that had been left just beyond her reach. She asked me to plug in her cellphone charger before reading the remaining menu options. As I moved around the room with purpose, my legs jittered, and my hands shook.I've been living with MS for two decades, and it always flares at the worst possible times; stress makes it worse. As I struggled to stand, I realized this disease that had affected my personal functioning and my ability to parent for decades was now impeding my capacity to care for my mother, something I'd always imagined I'd do without limits.
