Most experts say to avoid arguing over text. My husband and I do it anyway, and it has made our relationship better.

The author says that hashing out disagreements over text messages gives her and her husband time to pause before responding.

Courtesy of Rebecca Strong

Most relationship experts seem to agree on one thing: Never have an argument over text. But my husband and I do it all the time — and it's actually led to some of the healthiest conflict resolution in our marriage.I'm not saying that fighting over text is right for every couple, or every conversation. For me, though, it's become an unexpectedly effective tool for navigating conflict.Here's why it works for our relationship, and what we've both learned in the process.For me, fighting over text feels "safer"After growing up in a pretty volatile household, I developed a deep fear of conflict.Face-to-face disagreements can feel overwhelming, making it difficult to express myself honestly. Rather than fighting (or fleeing), I tend to "freeze" or "fawn."Texting, on the other hand, feels like a safer space to air things out, since I don't have to hear or see the other person's responses in real time. I can take some space — whether for a few minutes or longer — to process what I'm feeling and respond. This has allowed me to get increasingly comfortable with sharing what I'm feeling and thinking in the moment.Having time to process before responding is a giftWhen our arguments have escalated in the past, it's because my husband and I speak before thinking.