From my sun bed, I could see the glittering blue Mediterranean and inhale the heady scent of lemon trees.But as I lay there, I wasn’t enjoying the sunshine or thinking about a dip in the deliciously warm sea.Nor was I revelling in the fact I was in Sicily with the love of my life.Instead, I wilted in the shade, swathed in a towel and feeling insecure about my body and the weight I’d recently gained.I hadn’t dared stand on the scales, though I guessed I’d put on about two and a half stone. While I didn’t mind the fact my breasts were larger, undeniably so were my arms, thighs and - worst of all - my tummy.I felt so self-conscious about my size that it was constantly in my thoughts.As for the prospect of holiday sex? I was terrified of anyone seeing my body - including Noah, my boyfriend of eight years.So what did I do? Set aside these feelings of self-loathing and enjoy the break? Reassure myself that sexual attraction is about more than what you look like on the outside?Of course I didn’t.Instead, later that day in our holiday apartment I started an argument, trying to provoke him into saying he didn’t like the weight that I’d put on over the previous six months. New research suggests one in three Brits feel their weight is damaging their sex life, undermining confidence and satisfaction. Pictured: Maria O'Neill before her weight loss Today, at 32, I weigh 8st 7lbs, the weight at which I feel most confident. At 5ft 4ins, it’s a healthy weight for my height and means I wear a dress size eight‘Just admit it!’ I hissed at him. 'Say you don’t like the way I look and you don’t want to have sex with me. Say it’s because I’m fat!’Noah refused to take the bait, with diplomatic skills worthy of a United Nations peace negotiator.He calmly told me that, yes, I’d gained weight but ‘that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or don’t want to be with you’.Still, during that holiday we were barely intimate with one another.Now, I think back to that time – and especially the hard time I gave Noah - and I could cringe.More than that, I’m sad we missed out on a carefree fortnight together, because just a few months later we both had to face serious financial and health worries.I also turned to food to deal with the stress - so my weight issues were about to get a lot worse.Today, at 32, I weigh 8st 7lbs, the weight at which I feel most confident. At 5ft 4ins, it’s a healthy weight for my height and means I wear a dress size eight.But at my heaviest I carried an extra three stone, giving me a BMI of 27.6, putting me at the top of the overweight category.While I don’t know exactly how much I’d gained before that holiday, I think I weighed about 11 stone. While we might be told that size doesn’t matter when it comes to attraction, for many of us how we feel about our size does impact our libidoWhile I know that might not sound a lot, for me it was a significant change, particularly over a relatively short period of time.I’d upped my food intake having started CrossFit – a programme of fitness classes and weight training – but had embraced the advice to ‘fuel your body’ by eating too many of the wrong types of food. While I’d gained muscle, I’d also gained fat.The extra pounds left me feeling self-conscious and unlike ‘myself’ in a way that made me particularly vulnerable.Body positivity influencers say that women should love their bodies at whatever size.But that’s easier said than done, and while – thankfully – we’re now in an age where we’ve become more accepting of other women’s weight, so many of us still feel insecure about our own.And the area in which my weight – and accompanying dip in confidence – most affected me was intimacy.I’m not alone. New research suggests one in three Brits feel their weight is damaging their sex life, undermining confidence and satisfaction.According to a survey of 2,000 UK adults, a quarter of us experience body insecurity every time we are intimate.And women are more likely to be affected, with 31 per cent reporting low sexual confidence compared with 16 per cent of men.So, while we might be told that size doesn’t matter when it comes to attraction, for many of us how we feel about our size does impact our libido.When I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror, not only did I avoid sex, I refused to even undress in front of Noah. And, as on that holiday, I’d try and provoke him to criticise my size so I could tell myself he was the bad guy.Except he was such a gentleman that he never indulged my insecurities – the only person who didn’t like my body was me.It hadn’t always been like this.Noah and I met working in the events and hospitality industry in Scotland. I was 21 and he was 33.At the start our sex life was fun and exciting. After a year, we moved in together.Throughout my 20s our sex life remained healthy. When it came to libido we were very compatible and we’d be intimate with one another at least a couple of times a week.To begin with my feelings about my body were positive – then a size 8, I was confident about how I looked.But my weight is something I’ve been particularly sensitive to since I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) aged 16. Maria's weight is something she was sensitive to since being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) aged 16PCOS is a hormonal condition that causes symptoms such as irregular periods, weight gain, acne and fertility difficulties. Having had fluctuating weight in the past because of it – I could easily gain a stone in six weeks – I knew that, more than most, I needed to watch what I ate and try to be healthy.Maybe that’s why I got so upset on that Sicilian holiday – putting on weight had left me feeling like my body was out of control.In November 2023, two months after we got home from Sicily, Noah was made redundant.Suddenly, there was a lot of financial pressure on me. I was covering our mortgage, our bills, the cost of running our cars. I began eating to numb the emotional and financial stress.By now I was working as a self-employed wedding designer, and working from home a lot meant it was easy for me to self-soothe with food: pizza, pasta, chocolate.I had to give up our gym membership to save money but I didn’t replace it with something cheaper, such as running or working out at home.Given how my body confidence impacts my libido, as I gained weight the amount of sex we were having diminished.They say the more sex you have, the more you desire it, but the opposite is true too. We fell into a routine of going to bed and just sitting on our phones scrolling through social media.This was also damaging to my self-confidence. I followed a lot of other people who worked in the wedding industry on social media, so was consuming endless online content of women looking flawless on the most important day of their lives. It was hard.Indeed, a recent study found that 60 per cent of British adults believe social media has made them feel insecure during sex, with a staggering 80 per cent of 18-34 year olds saying social media directly impacts how they feel about their bodies during sex.Unfortunately, the slump in our sex life became another reason to comfort eat.The weight kept creeping on but I kept it hidden under woolly jumpers and tried to kid myself it wasn’t there.In spring 2024, Noah started experiencing a tingling sensation in his arms.It took four incredibly stressful months, during which he underwent multiple tests, for doctors to realise it was due to a genetic heart condition.I was at my heaviest – 11st 7lbs - just before his diagnosis in August 2024.The impact on our intimate life during these nine months between Noah losing his job and getting his diagnosis was fairly profound.In the end we just stopped having sex altogether for two to three months.I definitely didn’t want to be touched around my stomach and I hated my flabby upper arms - especially how they looked when I was lying down.Noah was so supportive, which I’m so grateful for, but I did worry about our future if we didn’t regain our intimacy, as it’s such an important part of a relationship.But Noah’s diagnosis proved a turning point. I wanted both of us to improve our health, and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I was lucky to have such a lovely man, and I wanted to enjoy all elements of our relationship.Noah’s condition meant a change to our diet and lifestyle, because he had to avoid saturated fats. I overhauled what we ate and put together an eating plan with lots of protein and fresh produce, with nothing processed. This was about creating a new lifestyle, not just a short-term diet.I also began running again, as well as doing workouts at home that involved lifting weights.Every Wednesday evening I’d meet up with my cousin to exercise, and being accountable to someone else really helped keep me motivated. To address the weight gain, Maria began running again, as well as doing workouts at home that involved lifting weightsI had so much more energy, I felt stronger and my PCOS symptoms were positively impacted too, with my periods becoming more regular again.It took me six months to lose the weight. By December 2024 friends and family began to notice and comment how good I was looking.It helped rebuild my confidence and things really turned around when Noah got another job too.Feeling better about myself made me more open to intimacy and our love life picked up again.In the bedroom I stopped worrying about how my body looked from different angles, like whether my tummy looked fat if I laid on my side.Now, feeling fit and strong, when it comes to sex I just enjoy myself in the moment. While I celebrate women feeling happy in their skin whatever weight they are, the truth is I do feel more confident in the bedroom now and truly enjoy intimacy.I feel so confident that I’m happy to walk around our bedroom in the nude again, something which helps Noah get in the mood too.We got married this spring and I felt amazing on my wedding day.We returned to Italy for an intimate ceremony in Florence - and I definitely wasn’t picking fights with Noah to avoid sex this time…Noah’s name has been changedAs told to Samantha Brick