The term “ghosting” became mainstream in the mid-2010s to describe a familiar cruelty: someone leaving a relationship abruptly, with no explanation and no closure.The word almost always shows up in a dating context — it’s practically synonymous with the worst online dating stories you’ve ever heard — but it can happen between platonic friends, too. When it happens with friends, there’s no script or online advice column for what happens next.Psychologists say the gap between friends is possible to close, even after an instance of going MIA — but it requires apologizing in a way many people get wrong. Ekaterina Demidova via Getty ImagesIf you went too long without talking to a friend or got caught up in your own life in a way that made you virtually MIA to the people you love, it's not necessarily something your friendship can't overcome.The instinct for most people apologizing is to lead with an explanation and justify why they’ve been quiet before addressing what the silence did to the other person. “One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to reconnect after disappearing is focusing on explaining their absence before they actually acknowledge its impact,” Dr. Holly Schiff, a clinical psychologist, told HuffPost. Justifying why a friendship dissipated, whether it’s because of depression, burnout, grief or other responsibilities, does not properly address that the friend may have dealt with stress and hurt for not knowing why the friendship ended. “A good apology balances context with accountability,” Schiff said. “Acknowledge what happened, validate the impact, express regret and avoid making promises you can’t guarantee.”The apology most people get wrong. A good and reliable apology takes on clear and direct responsibility for what was said and done, without blaming the other person, Dr. Harriet Lerner, the author of “Why Won’t You Apologize?,” told HuffPost. Attempting to include explanations or justifications risks never finding a resolution in the friendship and could exacerbate the initial injury. “Only after you’ve established the ground for future communications can you provide more context and information,” Lerner said. “Most importantly, apologize for your own behavior first — name it — and not your friend’s feelings.” The initial reach-out should always be brief, but still express genuine remorse and regret: “Avoid asking for forgiveness,” Lerner said. “A real apology doesn’t ask the other person to do anything.” Schiff proposes an apology example of: “Hey, I know I’ve been MIA for a little bit, and I realize that may have hurt you or made you feel abandoned. I was struggling with some of my own personal stuff, but I wish I had communicated better. I’m sorry.”“A heartfelt apology doesn’t mean the other person is immediately obligated to return to the relationship.The language in these apologies is crucial. A common apology mistake is saying, “I’m sorry, but …” or “I’m sorry if you feel …,” a mentality that Dr. Marisa Franco, author of the upcoming book “Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment,” said comes up when people feel very guilty about what they did. “They’ll add ‘but’ to say, ‘I’m still a good person and here’s why,’ rather than acknowledging that we’re all flawed and that doesn’t mean you’re a bad human,” she said. “Ironically, to be able to believe in your own imperfections actually makes you more able to take accountability.”Even with a perfectly written apology, it is critical to keep in mind that apologies do not guarantee an immediate mending of the relationship. It can be a promising starting point, but the friend now has to process recovering from what happened. “It’s also important to prepare yourself for the possibility that the repair is going to take time,” Schiff said. “A heartfelt apology doesn’t mean the other person is immediately obligated to return to the relationship.”The silence isn’t neutral for either person. A crucial element is the timing. The longer a person waits to reach out to their friend they’ve ghosted, the more likely they will start to build up the negativity and possible rejection in their head, Schiff argued. “For people who feel like there’s no coming back from this, I often encourage them to remember that shame is a bigger barrier than the original mistake/absence itself,” Schiff said. “Even if a friendship doesn’t return to exactly what it was, I think reaching out with accountability can still be meaningful — that’s the first step toward repair.”The person who ghosted isn’t the only one experiencing emotional damage during that silence. On the other side, the friend left behind is likely to fill the unexplained silence with their own explanations for why they’ve been ghosted.Svetlana Iakusheva via Getty ImagesWithout proper communication, the friend on the other side of a ghosting is more likely to fill in the blanks to explain what happened — and their interpretation (understandably) might not be too generous.The longer the separation lasts, the more likely the ghosted friend will start to question whether they are at fault, Franco said. “There could be so many different reasons why a person ghosts us, and we will often interpret that based on our own sense of self — [if] we have low self-esteem, we might see it as, ‘They really don’t like me,’” Franco said. On the other side of being ghosted, “it’s often a projection rather than a knowing, because the whole point of being ghosted is: We don’t know.” Even after an apology, the outcome isn’t guaranteed. What happens next is up to the friend who got left behind.“If you have done significant harm — hurt a friend’s reputation, betrayed her confidentiality, excluded her in an insensitive way — understand that this friend may not want to resume the relationship,” Lerner said.“If your attempts to reconnect are not reciprocated, get support and take care of yourself,” she continued. “But do not look to the person you injured to help you heal or to lower your guilt quotient.”