Blessed are those who read a newspaper article before commenting on it, for they shall be called wise.Blessed are those who leave you a short explanatory voicemail message, for they shall be called back.Blessed are those who do not humblebrag; they shall be incredibly proud/humbled/excited about their latest achievements but not have to say so in a press release.Blessed are the help-desk staff who still pick up the phone occasionally, for their prayers will be answered, and not by a chat bot or after an interminable series of menu options.Blessed are those who can queue in orderly fashion, standing directly behind the people in front – not beside them, or at a diagonal, or hanging back inexplicably and letting a gap open – for theirs is the straight and narrow path.Blessed are those who mute their phones on public transport, for they shall have exclusive access to their own stupid videos and terrible taste in music.Blessed are the meek in queues for the airport bus, for they, presumably, are the ones who remembered to book tickets.Blessed are those who switch their phones off occasionally; they shall know peace.Blessed are the drivers who, when not overtaking, stay in the left lane of motorways, for theirs, paradoxically, is the side of righteousness. (Likewise, people who stand on escalators).Blessed are those who do not straddle scarce parking spaces with Range Rovers, for if there is an afterlife, they will not be deservingly forced to straddle the eighth and ninth circles of hell for all eternity.Blessed are those who pick up the tab in restaurants, occasionally; they shall be called generous.Blessed are those who do not always somehow manage to lose the contest to pick up the tab, for they shall avoid being called other things behind their backs.Blessed are those who suffer fools gladly, for, unlike their much-more-common opposites, the condition will not sound like a cliched euphemism for having a bad temper.Blessed are the train and bus passengers who do not put their bags on the seat beside them, for that seat is not the one some of us will automatically choose to sit on out of badness.Blessed are those whose phones do not ring during a quiet moment of the Gate Theatre’s latest production, for they will avoid social death by a hundred dagger-stares.Blessed are those who buy their own music festival tickets rather than swanning around on VIP freebies; their reward will be an access-all-areas armband in paradise.Blessed are those who do not post on social media while drunk, for they shall not wake up to an internet pile-on.Blessed are the emailers who do not hit “reply-all”; they shall be called considerate.Blessed are those who do not talk about property prices at dinner parties, for just because in your father’s house there may be many mansions, doubled in value since last year, doesn’t mean the rest of us have to hear about it. Blessed are those who blow their noses when necessary, for they shall not sniffle annoyingly during the entire bus journey.Blessed are those who always have phone chargers with them; they will be popular.Blessed are the meek in company meetings, for perhaps eventually someone will say, “Sorry, I think Mary was still speaking there.”Blessed are those who do not beep their car horns in anger, or at all, preferably, for they shall know peace.Blessed are the taxi drivers who always use their indicators when changing lanes, for they shall be rare.Blessed are people who return borrowed books eventually; they shall be even rarer.Blessed are the PR consultants who do not overuse the word “iconic”, for they deserve portrayal in stylised religious pictures, wearing gold-leaf halos.Blessed are those who do not make annoyingly repetitive radio ads. Terms and conditions apply. The value of your blessedness may fall as well as rise. Past blessedness is not a guide to future virtue, etc.Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for knowledge, for they shall have Irish Times subscriptions.Blessed are the Monaghan GAA supporters, for theirs – one of these years, surely – will be the Sam Maguire.