We spend months looking forward to holidays, yet many of us arrive home as tired as when we left. With logistics, family dynamics, and the pressure to make the most of every moment, holidays can feel like another thing to get right, rather than a rest.Research has shown that how people spend their break makes a significant difference to how long remain the benefits, including reduced stress, greater life and relationship satisfaction, improved sleep quality, and lower fatigue.Digging into the details of what makes a holiday really feel like a break, psychologists at the University of Georgia carried out a meta-analysis of 32 studies across nine countries. The researchers found that the greatest boost to well-being came from mentally switching off from work and everyday routines. Relaxation, physical activity and social connection were linked to the strongest benefits, while passive activities like screen time had a neutral effect.It is not always instinctive to know how to unwind or how to relax. We asked some specialists for practical ways to plan and approach these days, so they relieve tension and bring joy, rather than adding to the load.Start with these questionsTo get the most from a holiday, Richard Hogan, a family psychotherapist and author of Home is Where the Start Is, suggests beginning with an honest conversation.“I always have a chat with my partner before we head off and ask a couple of key questions. What are you looking forward to about this holiday? What are you expecting? What is it that will make you smile? It’s about having an idea before you go of what you’d like, and what will get in the way of that.”Irish people can shy away from this kind of direct communication, Hogan says, as it can be seen as selfish to put a boundary around a holiday time. He recommends that people decide and communicate in advance with their partners, friends or family whether there is something they really want to do, whether it’s watching a tennis match, going for a morning jog, or swimming in the sea, and make space for each other’s activities.“We often think that a holiday will be unbelievably restful, but if you’ve got kids, you’re just bringing the whole show on tour. It’s important to understand that it’s not going to be the holidays of old [if bringing children], and you need to surrender to that,” he says.“Find spaces where you can have time to enjoy the break with your family, figure out what relaxation looks like for you and for your partner. You might have very different ideas about what that looks like.”Hogan cautions that if a holiday feels like the only thing keeping you going, it’s worth taking stock and considering how to introduce more breaks and moments of freedom into daily life.“The holiday shouldn’t be the most important thing,” he says, “how you’re living should be what sustains you.”Take three key steps There are three key things Margaret Forde, a chartered psychologist and happiness specialist, recommends when planning what kind of trip or break to take.The first is trying something new. “Our brain loves novelty, and being in different environments, meeting new people, working out the challenges of a different transport system or speaking a different language,” Forde says. “These are all restorative to the brain; they increase neuroplasticity and enhance creativity and resilience. New experiences bring us into the moment; we are forced to pay attention to what is around us; our senses are alive to new sights, sounds, tastes and smells.”[ Is bringing small children on a foreign holiday a waste of time, effort and money?Opens in new window ]The second is to put practical arrangements in place to reduce obligations to others while away. “We are all embedded in work, family and social situations, which create demands on our time and energy. This gradually lowers our energy and can lead to physical or emotional burnout,” Forde says. Stepping away from work, family, and social responsibilities allows for more of our fun-loving side to surface.“Research also shows that when we go back to our everyday lives, we are better able to navigate those demands; we may see things differently and realign our priorities.”Finally, Forde, who leads meditation and positive psychology courses focused on happiness, recommends leaving plenty of uncluttered time to do things that bring delight and joy. “Make your heart sing.” Calm the nervous systemClaire Russell, a nutritionist, clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, suggests doing a “sensory audit” before any holiday or break begins by asking, ‘What tends to leave me most depleted?’“Is it noise, clutter, rushing, alcohol, late nights, irregular meals, difficult conversations or too many decisions? Most people do not need to change everything,” she says. “Choose one or two of the biggest drains, and deliberately reduce those.”This could include putting the screens away for short stretches, walking for pleasure rather than exercise, doing breathing exercises, saying no to unnecessary plans, or going to bed before being completely depleted.“The most restorative break is not always the most impressive one,” Russell says. “The nervous system does not calm simply because we are technically off work. It calms when the body and mind repeatedly receive messages of safety: fewer demands, less noise, steadier rhythms, deeper rest, gentle breathing, and permitting ourselves to slow down.”Russell also suggests leaving a buffer between arriving home from a holiday and getting back into the daily grind. “Keep the first evening at home simple. Plan easy food. Avoid unnecessary commitments. Unpack slowly. Protect sleep. Let the nervous system land before the demands restart.”Eat for enjoymentFor many people, food and having the time to enjoy a meal are some of the great pleasures of a holiday, but it can be a worry that our choices will catch up with us once we’re back in the day-to-day. But Daniel Davey, a performance nutritionist who has worked with Leinster Rugby and elite GAA teams, says stepping away from routine can be part of the recovery process.“If someone spends their year following a structured schedule, there can be real value in having a period where they switch off from that,” says Davey. “A restorative holiday isn’t about trying to maintain a strict training programme or nutrition plan.”Rather than focusing on restriction or trying to be perfect, Davey encourages people to enjoy local food, eat with family and friends, and be present.[ A cruise used to be my idea of a holiday from hell. Could I be converted?Opens in new window ]“Maintaining some simple habits such as regular meals, staying hydrated, including fruit and vegetables where possible, and avoiding excessive alcohol can help people return home feeling energised rather than needing another break to recover from the holiday itself.”Move to restHitting pause on all exercise can be tempting after a busy year, but physical activity is a proven way to boost your mood, lower stress, and retain the benefits of a break once you’re back home. The key, says Sarah McKenna, is finding movement that feels good rather than just another task.A yoga teacher who loves structure in her life, McKenna finds that “taking time for yourself in the summer is trickier than in the other seasons. In winter, we’re naturally more hardwired to rest, but the draw of long evenings, warm weather, and routines changing is so alluring that we tend to overextend ourselves more easily.”She recommends cordoning off some time for movement that feels good rather than having to be beneficial, and for those interested in yoga or mat work, McKenna suggests the more gentle practices of restorative and yin yoga, as they focus on breathing and slow movement.But for all different types of movement during holidays, McKenna believes it is about finding a balance between the energy needed to keep yourself well and nourished and the energy you then have available to give freely outwards to others.“In our culture, we glorify productivity and multitasking, which then suggests that resting is lazy, when in fact, resting is what allows vitality to endure.”Let the kids be“With kids it’s easy to feel like holidays need to be packed with activities, sightseeing, memorable experiences, but children and teens often need something simpler, a chance to slow down,” says Dr Malie Coyne, a chartered clinical psychologist and author of Love in, Love Out: A Compassionate Approach to Parenting your Anxious Child.Dr Malie Coyne: 'You don’t need to get on a plane to have a holiday, and some of the richest developmental experiences emerge from the moments when children just have the freedom to figure out what they want to do next.' Photograph: Joe O'Shaughnessy “Children rarely remember every tourist attraction they visited, but they often remember how they felt. So, feeling connected, listened to, and free to be themselves matter more than ticking items off an itinerary.”Coyne recommends games, conversations, walks, swims – anything that allows children to exist outside of deadlines and achievements for a while.“Often the school year is demanding on children and teenagers, as they are constantly processing information, managing friendships, meeting deadlines, and navigating social dynamics,” Coyne says.The months off from school offer children and teens a chance to decompress and assimilate what they have learned throughout the year.“You don’t need to get on a plane to have a holiday, and some of the richest developmental experiences emerge from the moments when children just have the freedom to figure out what they want to do next,” Coyne says.[ Emer McLysaght: I am never more of a Complete Aisling than when I’m on holidaysOpens in new window ]As families are spending more time together than normal, Coyne says to expect arguments and rows. Tensions can be exacerbated, Coyne says, by the expectation of a perfect holiday, or when people are tired or over-scheduled, or have competing plans.“The most important thing to do is to repair afterwards. Apologise for shouting if that happened, or allow your kids the time to apologise too.”Spark creativityIt’s a common experience that stepping away from a problem, to go for a walk or have a coffee with a friend, can often bring a solution to the surface. This is because idle time, or time without a label of productivity stamped on it, has been shown to allow creativity to break through. The Dutch even have a word for it – “niksen”, or the art of doing absolutely nothing.For people whose work and home life involve creative thinking and problem-solving, which is most people, taking a real break can be a challenge. For singer and songwriter Maria Kelly, hitting the point of burnout changed her mind about what time off means.“After a decade of building a career from my creativity, I would have previously said that creative rest meant stopping creating altogether,” Kelly says. “What I have come to learn is that our creative work itself isn’t usually what exhausts us. More often, it’s the pressure, performance, and productivity we attach to it.”Westport singer-songwriter Maria Kelly in St Michael’s Church in Ballina, Co Mayo, for Other Voices. Photograph: Keith Heneghan Kelly, who also hosts Tangent, a monthly creative writing night in Dublin, is a firm believer that new avenues of thought can open up when “we reconnect with our curiosity and allow ourselves to play”.She suggests taking the time a holiday offers to rebuild creative resources by trying new things.“For me, replenishing that spark has come through trying new things, like yoga, watercolour, dancing, spending time in my body and being in community with other creative people.”