Over the first quarter of the 21st century, medical breakthroughs have helped transform cancer prognoses from near-certain death sentences to far more treatable and survivable conditions, across the oncological spectrum. But even with these advances—encouraging enough to compel then-candidate Joe Biden to promise “we’re gonna cure cancer” on the 2019 campaign trail—the problem of uncontrolled cell growth within the human body is not yet solved. Cancer’s frustrating lack of a single silver bullet remedy stems from it being not one disease, but rather a complex family of over 200 distinct maladies. And when such an open-ended affliction meets with human desperation to save a life, you inevitably wind up with pseudoscientific treatment plans peddled by grifters and true believers alike. These ineffective larks might take the form of ear candling or juice fasts (RIP Steve Jobs), but they never actually help cure the patient of their malignant cells. One of the more plainly ludicrous examples of “alternative” treatment comes to us from a south London clinic where stage 4 cancer patients are sealed naked in a plastic bag with only their heads out. Next, their bodies gassed with chlorine dioxide, also known as oxidizing industrial bleach. The belief is that the gas will cause severe oxidative stress to the cancer cell, altering its internal pH and forcing tumors to self-destruct.