A Bengaluru-based IIT alumnus has recalled how falling grades and the pressure of losing his identity as a topper pushed him into one of the darkest phases of his life, saying he nearly got expelled after his GPA dropped from 8.4 to 5.5.RamG Vallath is an IIT Madras alumnus and editor-in-chief of an online magazine. (Unsplash/Representational image)In a LinkedIn post, RamG Vallath, an IIT Madras alumnus and editor-in-chief of an online magazine, shared his experience after reading a news report that said at least 65 IIT students had died by suicide in the last 5 years."Year 1, I had 8.4 CGPA in my IIT class. By year 3, I was s*icidal," Vallath wrote in the LinkedIn post. “As it turned out, no one had told me that getting into IIT was not the same as knowing how to live there,” he added.The IIT alum shared that he cracked IIT-JEE with an All India Rank of 129 after spending classes 11 and 12 at a government college with no attendance rules. He said that he loved studying and managed an 8.4 GPA in his first semester at IIT Madras, but things soon began to unravel.“I cracked IIT-JEE with AIR 129. My parents were proud, and I was the talk of the town. However, I had lost the ability to sit through lectures, even though my love for education stayed. I managed an 8.4 GPA in my first semester. My future looked like a straight line upward. Then the line broke,” he wrote.(Also Read: IIT alum breaks down ₹25 LPA CTC after first salary turned out lower than expected: 'Mujhe laga bank ne galti ki hai')From 8.4 to 5.5 GPAIn the post, Vallath recalled that he was used to being “the boy who came first,” but he struggled to sit still, while his peers were more focused and moving ahead. “I knew I wouldn’t be the best for long. So I stopped attending classes. I stayed up till 5 am playing cards before exams. I got drunk. I chased the identity of the class rebel because I had already lost the identity of the class topper, and all I wanted was a label that stood out,” he wrote.He recalled that his GPA eventually dropped from 8.4 to 5.5, and he came close to being expelled.The IITian said he was too scared to tell his parents about his struggles because the image they had of him as the “brilliant son” and “IIT boy” felt bigger than reality. “I did not know how to ask for help inside a system that had no language for failure. So I carried it alone,” he wrote.“The pressure was not only academic. It was existential. On one side, I could not let my parents down. On the other, I could not face the shame. Somewhere between those two impossibilities, I started wondering whether I wanted to be here at all,” he added.Vallath credited his parents with helping him recover. He said they stayed in the IIT guest house for 3 weeks, accompanied him to meet professors who had “written him off” and helped him rebuild his academic footing.Vallath said that he eventually graduated and ended with a final semester GPA of 9. “It took five years instead of four, but I graduated. My last semester GPA was 9,” he wrote.Vallath further said that he decided to share his experience after reading the news report about the recent deaths of IIT students. He argued that society treats getting into IIT as the destination rather than the beginning.“The child who cracks JEE becomes a symbol before they become a person. When that symbol starts to crack under pressure, loneliness, or failure, there's no help, only shame. We glorify IIT like it is the end of a success story, and that is exactly why so many stories end there,” he wrote.Vallath concluded his post, saying that students are not weak but “brilliant young people who were handed a trophy and never taught how to fall, how to fail, or how to ask for help without feeling like a failure.”(Also Read: IIT Kanpur director Manindra Agrawal defends temporary Telegram ban, draws intense criticism)Social media reactionsThe post drew several responses from users, including Ganesh LS, a retired IIT Madras professor, who said the institute had not witnessed such incidents during the period mentioned and credited its health and wellness initiatives.“Rarest of the rare cases do exist, perhaps unavoidably. Yet, IIT Madras can hold their head high in this regard,” he wrote.Another user said non-judgmental parents often make the best counsellors, while highly demanding parents risk becoming the worst. “True resilience in children is nurtured when parents balance guidance with acceptance, allowing them to grow with confidence and self‑trust,” the user wrote.A third user added, “We celebrate the rank, the trophy, and the achievement, but rarely discuss the pressure that comes with carrying those labels. This throws light on understanding how even the brightest minds struggle sometimes and seek help. It takes immense courage to admit vulnerability, ask for help, and bounce again fter a fall. Perhaps we need to normalize resilience as much as we celebrate success.”If you need support or know someone who does, please reach out to your nearest mental health specialist. Helplines: Aasra: 022 2754 6669; Sneha India Foundation: +914424640050 and Sanjivini: 011-24311918, Roshni Foundation (Secundrabad) Contact Nos: 040-66202001, 040-66202000; ONE LIFE: Contact No: 78930 78930, SEVA: Contact No: 09441778290