My mom died 6 weeks after my son was born. Losing the woman I wanted to talk to the most reshaped motherhood for me.

The author, shown with her mother, said that she still has the urge to call her mom from time to time.

Courtesy of Frankie Samah.

People now speak honestly about postpartum exhaustion, hormones, and sleepless nights, but very few people talk about the way motherhood pulls you back toward your own mother in almost instinctive ways.Every uncertainty suddenly becomes a reason to reach for her. When my baby boy would not settle, when his cry sounded slightly different, when I convinced myself something terrible must be wrong, all I wanted was to hear her say, "Frankie, it's normal." She had a way of making panic settle quietly.But my mom died on December 27, just six weeks after my son was born.Looking back, it feels as though she carried herself through one final Christmas for everyone else's sake. The presents were wrapped carefully. The traditions stayed intact. Even while she was losing her fight, she still poured herself into making sure everyone else felt held together. That was how she loved people: quietly, through care.Then suddenly she was gone, and I was left standing in that strange place where new life and grief exist side by side.

The author said losing her mom just after having her send child was expecially difficult.