On Sunday evening President Cyril Ramaphosa spoke to the nation and shared with us his fear about mass migration in South Africa, namely that if things don’t change fast, thousands of ANC politicians and officials will migrate en masse into unemployment or the even worse prospect of having to get a real job for the first time in their lives. The president is generally unflappable, in the sense that a wet rag doesn’t so much flap as just sort of lie there, but you could see this is a moment of real crisis for the ANC as its crack political thinkers begin to consider the horrible possibility that voters might, in fact, be human beings who want things and not, as the policy documents insist, meat puppets who will keep voting for you forever as long as you give them a free T-shirt twice a decade. Now, with an important election just five months away, Ramaphosa has turned to the sign that reads “In case of electoral emergency, break glass”. This isn’t the first time, of course: over the years he’s tried it dozens of times, breaking dozens of cognac glasses with his little platinum hammer before angrily asking his advisers why it never seems to solve anything. But this time he’s had it explained to him, and he’s smashed the safety glass and lunged for the big red lever — the one that so many other politicians and billionaires around the world have yanked over so many decades: the one that reads ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS. In a speech that sat so firmly on the fence that Ramaphosa’s aides spent the rest of the evening pulling splinters out of his undies and rubbing soothing balm into his inner thighs, the president explained that immigrants should not exploit South Africans; that South Africans should not exploit immigrants; that people who exploited both should stop it, except if they were ANC presidents doing it for political gain, obviously; and that while repeating certain unverified claims about foreigners was acceptable, repeating other unverified claims was definitely not okay. Of course, a certain amount of balance is admirable in politicians, and on the complex and explosive issue of immigration, one doesn’t want a president who veers into full Maga or Reform UK xenophobia, talking about murderous mobs of dang furners pouring across the border, or who goes the other way, appointing someone like Patricia de Lille to oversee the erection of a border fence made of fairy wings and excuses. What’s that? He already did the second one a couple of years ago? Well, you get the gist. Still, some of Ramaphosa’s comments surprised and alarmed civic and human rights organisations, particularly when he said the concerns of South Africans “must not be dismissed” when it comes to the “anger about the number of foreign nationals running spaza shops, trading stores and other informal outlets”, apparently agreeing with these citizens’ beliefs that “foreign enterprises are squeezing out South Africans”. ANC’s jobTo some critics Ramaphosa seemed to be pouring petrol on an already crackling fire. Then again, I can understand why the president is upset about South Africans being squeezed out of the economy and made poorer: after all, squeezing South Africans out of the economy and making them poorer is the ANC’s job, a job it’s done magnificently for many years, and given how few jobs the ANC is good at, I can forgive Ramaphosa for clinging to this one. There were also some questions raised by his promise that South Africa would talk to “our sister countries on the African continent” to help “forge a broader response to migration challenges across our region”. For instance, given that Ramaphosa recently enjoyed a low-key vaycay on Emmerson Mnangagwa’s farm in Zimbabwe, and given that the Zanu-controlled government in Zimbabwe is about to rubber-stamp a constitutional amendment whereby the president will no longer be elected by popular vote but rather by the Zanu-controlled parliament, and given that this guarantees failure and misery in Zimbabwe for many more years, along with a steady and growing stream of migrants heading south to South Africa, what, exactly, does “a broader response” mean? But perhaps the most important question was raised by Ramaphosa’s inspiring closing statements, as he declared: “We can protect our borders while protecting human dignity. We can enforce our laws while upholding our constitution. We can secure our communities while preserving the values of ubuntu that define us as a people.” Okay. But if you can do all those things, why don’t you do them? • Eaton is an Arena Holdings columnist.