It’s been two months since Savannah Guthrie returned to NBC’s Today show amid the ongoing disappearance of her mother, Nancy Guthrie.

And it’s still a struggle for her to get through the day, Savannah Guthrie shared Monday as she joined close friend Jenna Bush Hager as a guest co-host on the fourth hour of Today, now known as Today With Jenna & Sheinelle.

“I can’t really even look at you every day without crying,” Savannah Guthrie told Bush Hager while tearing up. “You are my best friend. You know, it’s really hard to come back. I’ve been trying so hard to hold it together, and I promise I will.”

“When I see you in the morning, I know you see me, no matter what is going on,” Savannah Guthrie told Bush Hager. “And sometimes that’s almost too much because I feel like to do the job I gotta keep it together, pull it together. But I’m happy to be back. It’s like the two hours of my day — it’s not that I’m not thinking about it, because I am, but it’s something to do and it brings me a lot of joy to be with everybody. But, no, it’s not easy.”

Savannah Guthrie added that while she hasn’t forgotten about her mother’s tragic case, being back on Today offers a “little respite” from the pain she feels.