Psychotherapist Colman Noctor would much prefer to see a child approaching the exams in a ‘chilled’ fashion, rather than ‘stressed out of it’Being the first child in a family to sit the exams brings its own pressure, but there are upsides too, Colman Noctor says. 'For one, there’s no sibling to compare to.' Illustration: Getty Mon Jun 08 2026 - 06:01 • 3 MIN READChild and adolescent psychotherapist Colman Noctor is very experienced in supporting State exams students at work, but, this year, he’s a State exam parent for the first time also, as his eldest son is sitting the Junior Cycle exams. The father-of-three admits to being a little “apprehensive” about the whole thing. “Not in terms of the outcome. I genuinely don’t really care for the grades,” he explains. “I was more concerned around how he would react if he didn’t do well in terms of comparing himself to his friends.”Being the first child in a family to sit the exams brings its own pressure, but there are upsides too, Noctor says. “For one, there’s no sibling to compare to.”With less riding on the outcome of the Junior Cycle exams (compared to the Leaving Certificate), some parents can find themselves with students who are very relaxed about the whole thing. So relaxed, in fact, that the parents are instead the ones who are stressed.“I’m familiar with these exams from my job, so I know what reaction people can have,” Noctor says. “The alternative can be the kid who can’t put the book down and is absolutely climbing the walls.”[ Leaving Cert stress? A parent, a psychologist and a guidance counsellor share adviceOpens in new window ]He’d much prefer to see a child approaching the State exams in a “chilled” fashion, rather than “highly anxious and hypervigilant and stressed out of it”.So, after the first few days of exams, has being a psychotherapist helped him with his first experience of State exam parenthood?“Obviously, there’s stuff that you say as a psychotherapist to people, and then it’s really hard to live that out in your own world,” he says. But he is so sincere in his conviction that academic results are not the priority that he finds it easy to practise what he preaches in this regard.‘You might have to clean the table because he has to go back to studying. Or you might have to empty the recycling bin, and it’s normally his turn’— Colman Noctor, psychotherapist“Whenever I go in to a parent-teacher meeting, I don’t care what they’re doing in terms of maths, English and Irish. It’s who are they playing with? Are they enjoying themselves? Do they look happy? Do they have friends? And so when it comes to this stuff, I would much prefer him to have a few pals, looking forward to Transition Year.“The context of all of that stuff helps me not to lose sight that this is a tiny part of the education process and the whole journey. From my knowledge of what a balanced human being looks like, I don’t in any way overestimate the academic achievement. I’ve seen too many academic high-flyers who are miserable and anxious and sad and lonely.”Leaving Cert stress? A psychologist, a guidance councillor and a parent share their advice Listen | 51:32As the saying goes, when one person is doing the State exams, the entire household is doing State exams. And that can lead to frustration and resentment if the State exam student is perceived to be getting special treatment.Is there a way to maintain harmony in the home throughout the exam process?“The attention economy is, ‘your brother is going to be getting more leniency over the next two weeks because he’s doing his exams. Which means you will be unfairly treated for this period. But when it’s your turn, the same will apply to you’.”Parents can be wary of showing favouritism. But it’s really about explaining this is how families work. “It’s not that everyone gets the same. It’s that everyone gets what they need,” Noctor says.[ Exam stress is in the air. Could hypnosis, havening or CBT be the answer?Opens in new window ]There are still ways to have an easy win, mind. “Last night I got him [the exam student] his favourite drink and a bar,” ahead of his exam, Noctor explains. “But I got the others a drink and a bar too.” “They’re going through it as well. As a family we’re going through these two weeks. It’s not just the person themselves. You might have to clean the table because he has to go back to studying. Or you might have to empty the recycling bin, and it’s normally his turn. But when you’re doing the Leaving Cert, he’ll empty the bin for you.”It’s important to also cut the other children in the family some slack. They may have had plans cancelled or usual things postponed in order to support their exam student sibling’s preparations. Noctor has applied this in his own household, explaining to his younger children that they will return to normal routines when the exams finish. Or taking his youngest to the skate park while his big brother studies, so he doesn’t feel “that the whole house is under siege”.IN THIS SECTION