I strapped in my daily decaf, fired up the laptop, and figured I’d write this while the kettle was still making noises that sound suspiciously like a dying possum.

If you’re sick of hearing about billion-dollar startups that raise enough money to buy a small country, hire 400 staff, rent an office with a slide between floors, and then mysteriously explode three years later, this one’s for you.

This is my story of building a roach startup.

Not a unicorn.

Not a disruptor.