Masters of the Universe (12A, 140mins)Verdict: From here to Eternia Rating: Two stars out of five This is a lousy week for cinema-goers in pursuit of original storytelling, or indeed anyone who recoils from that dreaded cinematic F-word: franchise.Masters Of The Universe is the latest whirl of a fantasy that began in the early 1980s, with the Mattel toys He-Man and She-Ra. Television animations, comic strips and video games followed, but only one live-action feature film, in 1987. Until now.Do we, in this post-MeToo age, need a He-Man revival? Director Travis Knight and a team of four screenwriters (I'm tempted to call them his pips) are all too aware that if the concept is to work in 2026 it must be loaded with irony and wry self-awareness. But they massively overdo it.A prelude in which the planet of Eternia is conquered by perfidious, skull-faced Lord Skeletor (Jared Leto) is the best part of a film which winks so often at its audience that it builds into a kind of narrative twitch.Once Skeletor has overcome King Randor (James Purefoy) and Queen Marlena (Charlotte Riley), and their doughty general Duncan (Idris Elba), young Prince Adam (Artie Wilkinson-Hunt) is whisked to safety in, where else, the American Mid-West.Fifteen years later, Adam (now played by hunky Nicholas Galitzine) is working in human resources in Oklahoma City, understandably freaking out his dates by banging on about his past life on a distant planet and obsessing about the 'Sword of Power' that he must find if he is to reclaim his inheritance. Masters of the Universe releases in UK and US cinemas on Friday - and is the latest whirl in a fantasy which started in the 1980s (Nicholas Galitzine is pictured as He-Man) The best part of the film is a prelude when the planet of Eternia is conquered by perfidious, skull-faced Lord Skeletor, played by Jared Leto (pictured)Galitzine tries manfully, maybe even he-manfully, to play Adam as what he as an Englishman, if not his American paymasters, would recognise as a bit of a plonker. It's obvious that behind Adam's affably dorkish HR persona there bulges a godlike physique, and that it's only a matter of time before he bares it.But the film struggles to reconcile these two sides of his character, repeatedly relying on some decidedly hit-and-miss comedy (although I did enjoy Alison Brie's droll performance as Skeletor's sorceress assistant, Evil-Lyn). Eventually, of course, Adam finds his way back to Eternia, and uses his earthly HR skills to whip his father's loyal but subdued subjects into a formidable fighting force.Eternia, by the way, is well-named. This CGI-driven nonsense goes on for well in excess of two hours.Scary Movie (15, 95mins) Verdict: Vague return to formRating: Three stars out of five Scary Movie, by welcome contrast, is over much more quickly.Scary Movie 5 (2013) was so dreadful that it appeared to have severed the main artery of the eponymous series of slasher-film parodies, and I don't recall anyone going into mourning.But no, here we are again, with another barrage of relentlessly juvenile gags that, in fairness, occasionally coalesce into something approximating to decent entertainment.The Wayans brothers, who co-wrote the first two films, return for this one both on screen and off, and have manifest fun bombarding us with cultural references: Donald Trump, Elon Musk, Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, Kanye West and the Epstein Files all get a nod. Marlon Wayans plays Shorty (pictured) in the film, which represents a meandering return to form for the franchiseThere's also a pleasingly daft cameo for the former basketball star (and Scary Movie veteran) Shaquille O'Neal, while I lost count of the number of films lampooned, from the Scream series and The Addams Family (1991), to Longlegs (2024) and Sinners (2025).The plot hardly needs attention: there's at least one killer at large in a ghostface mask, and the apparent target is Cindy Campbell, last seen in Scary Movie 4 (2006) and again played by Anna Faris.I confess to laughing out loud once, in an opening sequence featuring a fourth wall-breaking Teyana Taylor, who smashes her knife-wielding assailant over the head with her (One Battle After Another) Golden Globe.Race and sexuality, along with transgender and personal-pronoun politics, all feed the comedy, but it gets so broad and so silly that it soon loses any cutting edge.Nonetheless, for fans of the franchise, this film represents a meandering return to form.