I had a notion the other day that there was possibly more I could offer to this fleeting world. A feeling that with life having been comparatively kind to me, perhaps there is something I could put back. I have these thoughts about once every month – and usually they are idly dismissed because they are either unrealistic or homicidal.
For example, it would be well nigh impossible to smash every single white, middle-class, middle-aged liberal in the throat until his trachea exploded in a chiaroscuro of livid pink foam and vaporised black lung stuff. Way too many tracheas and not enough time, sadly. Let them continue living a lie, was the conclusion I came to, reckoning that one day they will be brought to judgment before a God who is perhaps more vigorously right of centre on certain issues than they had dared imagine.
Badenoch made a pretty good stab at offending everybody, including members of her own party
Or the wolves idea. I have always supported rewilding, especially of our apex predators, but had preferred as a venue for the trial run somewhere in SW9, rather than the remote and inhospitable Scottish highlands. Both of those ideas were dismissed, then, as being fanciful.
But more recently I wondered if there was something less obviously deranged I might do which could improve the lot of my fellow man, something less demanding on the attentions of the Serious Crime Squad. And what I could do, I thought to myself rather grandly, was perhaps offer help to a politician I admired and who might do well by our benighted country – and the politician I alighted upon was the leader of the Conservative party, Kemi Badenoch. I like her a lot. She seems to me to be on the right track. There is a verve and wit behind that reflexive political business which I have long thought was something different to the normal – but which also seemed, in this climate, caviar to the general. Maybe, I wondered, I could help out a little. Just offer up some jokes she could put in a speech. I know my value.
