“Have you got grandchildren?” It’s the question parents dread if their adult child is struggling to get pregnant or dealing with miscarriage. Their own children’s pain aside, they face the prospect of never holding the grandchild they’ve longed for – and the future can look very bleak.
Both of Ipswich-based Gabriella’s two daughters went through three gruelling cycles of fertility treatment. “When it turned out that both my daughters needed IVF and that I might never be a grandmother, it was absolute agony,” says the 68-year-old. “The sadness is with you 24/7. Having children is the best thing I’ve ever done, and I had always thought that having grandchildren would be absolutely wonderful, the icing on the cake. But the saddest thing of all was knowing there was something – a baby – that my daughters wanted so much. It was like a heaviness in my heart all the time.”
One in seven couples has problems conceiving, according to NHS data. That leaves many of their parents grieving for the grandchild they will never have. It’s even more painful given that barely a week goes by without yet another friend or colleague posting a joyful snap of a bonny new grandchild. You’d have to be a saint not to feel jealous. Many of these parents talk about the double blow of not only grieving for the grandchildren they will never have, but losing friends whose lives have been taken over by theirs. Others even cut ties with friends who are grandparents because it just makes them so sad.
