As the summer holiday fast approaches, stressed-out couples may already be hoping for a chance to spend some time together, reconnect and even mend their marriage.15:20, 29 May 2026Updated 15:21, 29 May 2026For many struggling relationships - the end may be nigh. Summer can amplify the truth about a relationship, and that cocktail of high expectation, change in routine and uninterrupted time together can quickly become a pressure cooker that won’t save a marriage, it can end it.‌My name is Jennie Sutton. As a divorce coach, founder of Untying the Knot, where I help women through the overwhelming process of leaving a partner and coming to financial and childcare agreements, I often see a spike in enquiries in September, once everyone has returned to their usual daily routine.‌In fact, family lawyers have dubbed September the “autumn surge” as it’s traditionally one of the busiest months for divorce queries after couples delay filing their divorce petition in the hope that their family break will save their marriage.‌And while holidays don’t destroy marriages, they do reveal the truth, that busy schedules and daily distractions have masked your emotional disconnection for months, even years. Then put two people together for a fortnight with intense heat, liberal pourings of alcohol, tired children, unforeseen expenses on the credit card, and the cracks become impossible to ignore.Not every difficult holiday means a marriage is over - sometimes couples are simply disconnected from themselves as well as each other, as living life full on is exhausting and overwhelming and, to be honest, something must give.‌But sometimes your big getaway becomes an opportunity to think clearly about the future, what your finances might look like apart, and whether the children might benefit from knowing their parents will be happier separated than together.Here are steps you can take to holiday-proof your relationship - and how to recognise that your break hasn’t repaired the marriage, it’s confirmed what you feared for a long time.The perfect holiday is in your headSummer holidays are loaded with expectation - it’s the one time of year you’re guaranteed a complete getaway from everything. And it’s easy to hope that the new spontaneous environment will fix the distance, reignite intimacy, improve family life or help you “get back to how things used to be.” Sadly, holidays don’t create connection where there isn’t any, in fact, they often magnify what’s missing.‌What to do: Remember that a holiday is simply a change of location with the same personal dynamics but with added sunburn and sunsets. Once you’re back home, whatever the outcome, the level of satisfaction or delight, the work starts now. Do you both want to reconnect? Are you willing to have honest conversations rather than blame each other for the tension or behaviours on holiday?Being together reveals how far apart you really areDuring everyday life, couples often operate like colleagues running the business of work, parenting, tasks, meals and kids’ clubs. With such packed timetables, husbands and wives rarely spend long periods of uninterrupted quality time together. However, summer removes that structure, forcing you to share a room (perhaps with the children too), parent side-by-side and spend hours together without the usual escape routes of work and school pick-up.‌For couples who are already emotionally disconnected, this closeness can feel deeply uncomfortable and they may find they’re irritated and arguing over small things, while any moments of silence can feel deafening.What to do: When you return home, are you both open to having United Nations check-ins? This is taking 10 minutes a day to check in with each other: What was great about the day, what could be better (conversation, connection, commitment) with each other. Listen and appreciate rather than argue to defend.Alcohol pours fuel on the emotional fireSummer holidays often come with increased drinking, later nights and lower emotional filters. And while chilled lagers, refreshing sangria and cocktails by the pool may seem like holiday fun, they could be doing real damage to your relationship.‌Alcohol can intensify existing tensions, increase conflict and create arguments over nothing at all. I also see alcohol becoming a coping mechanism during unhappy holidays - clients say they drink to numb or dial down the feelings of loneliness. Often one partner withdraws into drinking to tolerate the atmosphere while the other becomes increasingly resentful.What to do: Swap booze for zero alcohol options. Cruel comments, the silent treatment or coldness can leave a lasting emotional impact long after the bags have been unpacked at home.‌You’re shocked by how different your parenting styles areBeing away on holiday can expose completely different parenting styles - one parent may want relaxed freedom while the other wants structure and routine. But that also means that one carries the mental load while the other switches on the “fun parent” mode.I hear many women say the holiday confirmed what they had already suspected, that they were effectively parenting alone inside the marriage. If you’re feeling exhausted, you’ll soon feel resentful too, particularly if you’re in midlife and already feeling emotionally depleted. The holiday will be less about family memories and more about realising how unsupported and unappreciated you truly feel.‌What to do: Before you head off, have conversations about parenting, finances and ‘switch off’ time as a couple and individuals. This will help to place boundaries, know what the parameters are and agreement up front if you both need 60 minutes a day to have your own “me time” when on holiday.Without daily routine everything falls apartRoutine can act like a relationship glue because you both know where you are and what’s expected and planned. Without the normal structure, couples are left facing the emotional reality of the relationship itself - that the only thing connecting them is the children and the practicalities of being parents and partners. That can feel incredibly confronting and many people realise on holiday that they no longer enjoy each other’s company, that they don’t share the same values and have been living parallel lives for years.What to do: For some this is the moment that the “maybe years” - the time spent trying to decide if you stay in your marriage or walk away - come to an end.‌Financial pressure triggers spending rowsHolidays are expensive and financial stress can expose existing power imbalances in earning capacity within relationships. You may find yourselves arguing about spending, control and debt, while who pays for what can surface more intensely during summer. I also see holidays highlighting emotional inequality: one partner may carefully plan the trip while the other simply turns up expecting everything done, on time and ready to relax.What to do: Discuss your roles in the holiday planning before you go - who is doing what? What are your expectations? And see if you can agree on a budget or spending plan during your time away - for instance, will you be using one card and one account so all spending is visible to you both?‌It feels like you’re on holiday with a strangerMany clients ask me afterwards, “Was it just a bad holiday or is the marriage actually over?” I advise them to look back and see if the signs were already there. These include: you or your partner being emotionally indifferent after arguments; avoiding time alone; showing each other a lack of affection or curiosity; spending excessive time on mobiles or separate activities and feeling relief when apart during your holiday.You may even see your partner “performing” the perfect family life for your children while being privately detached from you and your relationship.What to do: The biggest indication that your other half has checked out is an absence of emotional connection, listening and compassion. If separation does feel inevitable following your summer holiday, it could be time to think about how to separate with dignity rather than destruction.Article continues below*For more information, visit untyingtheknot.me