The old showbiz adage of “never work with children or animals” should be hastily rewritten, in 2026, to “never express an unfavourable opinion about children or animals”, because you shall be savaged. And the scars really will last forever.
Take, for example, a column I once wrote for a newspaper which explored the idea – after a spate of horrific XL bully attacks – that dogs should always be kept on the lead; whether they’re in parks, forests or gardens. To say it was an “unpopular opinion” would be an understatement: I even lost a friend over it. She was a dog-owner, and dog-owners – I now realise – treat their pets like family. It’s a bit like growing up in the East End, which I did: blood (by which I mean canine) is thicker than water, every time.
So, I’m not going to win myself any fans, I realise, with my next statement: please don’t compare your dog to my baby. They are not the same.
If you’re now thinking that you haven’t – that you wouldn’t – well, there are plenty of people who do, and would. This week, a furore broke out when Gizzelle Cade, a US-born influencer living in the UK with her husband and two-month-old son, ranted on TikTok about a woman she claims sat down at a neighbouring table at Gordon Ramsay’s Street Pizza restaurant in London, and placed her dachshund on top of an absorbent puppy mat on the floor next to her – because it was being toilet trained.
