It feels as if your work and your identity are fused. You’ll get through this, but you may have to use this time to consider other careers
I’ve been a teacher for more than 20 years and loved it. I had promotions every couple of years and was happily making my way up the ladder. This year, however, I was made redundant because of restructuring and this has thrown me into a feeling of complete confusion. I have tried to find roles at the level I was working at, but have not been successful. It has left me feeling lost and unclear.
The last five years within education have felt fraught. I left the previous school I’d worked at because I felt the headteacher was unable to support me following the death of my mum. The school before that I left after whistleblowing on a senior leader for bullying. I am worried the repeat issues and feelings of being unhappy all come from me, and somehow I am seeking out conflict or issues.
I have a happy life with my partner and three children, as well as fantastic friends and siblings. But work is important to me and being out of it makes me question my identity and whether I can cut it in school settings.
It sounds as if the first 15 years of your career were pretty linear and then a lot has happened in the past five years. When things happen relatively intensely, it’s easy to feel out of control. And when we feel out of control, we tend to go inwards to coping mechanisms we learned long ago – and a common one is to blame ourselves, because blaming ourselves is easier than raging against the world, which feels too big to harness. Not being supported during bereavement and having to leave because of someone else’s bullying are examples of an environment that did not support you, rather than you being the catalyst.
