You don’t have to compromise your or your child’s wellbeing, advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith writes. Whatever happens, you need better information going forward
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At my suggestion, my husband and I moved his father to live in a granny annexe of our home. This was for two reasons. First, he was experiencing health issues and getting visibly older and we thought he’d end up needing to live with us eventually. Second, we wanted to start a family and I naively thought we could have some live-in childcare.
We now have a toddler and although my father-in-law is useful in many ways he isn’t able to provide childcare as he is emotionally and physically frailer than I thought, and we are also having to deal with his very sensitive and difficult moods that are exacerbated by his ageing.
I don’t feel I signed up to manage his emotional regulation while navigating the same for my young child but would feel like a monster if I suggested we live separately again. I also feel this is my fault for having unrealistic expectations about how he could help me, and wasn’t prepared that I’d be “sandwich parenting”. What should I do?
