England were disjointed against Uruguay but no wonder – the head coach’s team selection was an act of self sabotage
Before this game Thomas Tuchel had said he would base his starting XI on what he saw on the training ground. Halfway through an evening at Wembley Stadium that felt like being stabbed very slowly through the eyes with a butter knife made entirely from death, ear wax and empty corporate leisure product, it was tempting to wonder about this.
What exactly had the players left out done in training to be deemed ineligible for this England team? Turn up naked? Vomit into a traffic cone? Attempt to stage a game of Cluedo during set-piece practice? Perhaps Adam Wharton had killed a crow and stapled its innards to the dressing‑room door.
For 80 minutes or so this was un-football, non-sport, an activity that seemed to approach a point of nothingness, no action, no content. All of it soundtracked by the classic Wembley atmosphere, a reminder that there is no more profound silence than the silence of tens of thousands of people.
In the end something had to happen. The thing that happened was also fitting as England scored the opening goal via a one-inch tap in from a player whose name was then booed by the home fans more loudly than the goal had been celebrated.
