I used to be embarrassed by my teenage fandom of the Korean boyband. Now I look back at that version of myself with so much softness
When I heard the surprise news that BTS are releasing a comeback album, it pulled me back into a past version of myself, one that was all-consuming in its obsession, but equally marked by shame.
At the ripe old age of 14, I had mastered the art of lowering my screen brightness and switching tabs to hide my shameful secret from any passerby or seat-sharer.
While schoolboys huddled around computer screens unashamedly watching live cricket matches on full volume, I don’t recall groups of girls gathering openly to watch the new BTS or One Direction music video. Those viewings happened in private – over late-night Skype calls or on the back bench of a classroom with a shared laptop between my best friend and me.
To hide an obsession is so common among teenage girls and an attempt to block a clear avenue to ridicule. I didn’t want to be told I was too obsessed or that I liked something too deeply.
