The AI assistant was offering me any help I needed. All I wanted was a living, breathing human | Adrian Chiles

When I heard ‘Rachel’ answer the helpline number in her metallic voice, my soul felt as empty as the batteries of my malfunctioning car

S

omething went wrong. The car charger wouldn’t work. Terrible, enervating, life-shortening faff ensued. It was to do with the wifi to which the car was linked having to be changed. I find this stuff so boring that I have been known to simply slump to the floor and fall into a deep sleep.

But this wasn’t an option, as I had to drive miles to work and my car’s batteries were as empty as my soul. I’d already been on the road for five hours listening to Antony Beevor’s history of the second world war. Man’s inhumanity to man is so very disappointing, even more disappointing than a malfunctioning EV charger on a wet and windy day. I resolved to dig deep. The human spirit would prevail. If only I could find another human to help me out.

I messaged the bloke who had installed it, but time was pressing, so I tried the manufacturer’s website. It was all big and glossy, banging on about a green future, sustainability, solar this, inverter that. I was invited to visit support. Click. Sorry, page doesn’t exist. Great. Deep down, hidden in the base rock of one of the pages, I found a precious relic from a bygone age – a phone number. Murmuring prayers of thanks and hope, I made the call.