I endured the Melania film so you don’t have to – my only regret is not buying popcorn so one of my senses was entertained | Caitlin Cassidy

‘Everyone wants to know,’ Melania says at the beginning of the two-hour extravaganza – but do we?

I

t’s Friday afternoon at Hoyts on Sydney’s northern beaches, and the atmosphere is horrific. I am here to see Amazon’s $75m “documentary” on Melania Trump, which has already been condemned as a flop ahead of its release.

When I arrive, I panic for a second that I have the time wrong. There are no Melania posters anywhere and the screening is tucked into the back bottom corner of the large movie theatre, like the weird leftover table at a wedding.

Eventually, just eight people arrive. The cinema has a capacity of about 150 people. There’s a couple, an elderly lady, a few middle-aged men and me. We all sit in the back for some reason.