Jumping up as soon as the seatbelt sign goes off can provoke fury among fellow passengers. And what goes on at the luggage carousel is possibly even worse …

Name: “Aisle lice”.

Age: Any age, as long as they’re ambulatory.

Appearance: A mere blur between seats C and D.

Is this about a lack of hygiene in theatres? No, it’s about a lack of etiquette on aeroplanes.