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While Football Daily spent most of New Year’s Day shivering, sweating and staring at hallucinatory rodents while questioning the wisdom of embarking on our first Dry January since 1989, it didn’t escape our blurred vision that Chelsea chose to ring in 2026 by firing Enzo Maresca. While he may have grown up the son of a humble Italian fisherman, the head coach had gotten a little too big for his waders, eventually being tossed into an ocean of opaque criticism he had levelled at unspecified members of the club hierarchy. Like a frail old man bobbing around the Tyrrhenian Sea while trying to reel in a 500lb bluefin tuna with a spool of dental floss, Maresca had picked a battle he was always going to lose – and on Tuesday Chelsea unveiled the Italian’s replacement.
In a quaint callback to their former habit of selling hotels and women’s football teams they already own to themselves, the club’s owners BlueCo confirmed they had lured Liam Rosenior to Stamford Bridge from Strasbourg who, as luck would have it, are also owned by BlueCo. The 41-year-old has signed a contract until 2032, or until his sort-of-new employers discover he used to be an intelligent, opinionated and socially aware Big Website columnist who might not be the kind of malleable Yes Man they require for the spreadsheet to function.
