PM tries to be as uninformed as possible about The Donald’s coup while his junior minister throws Greenland under the bus
L
et’s face it. What’s a bloke got to do to win the Nobel peace prize these days? I mean the much-coveted inaugural Fifa peace prize is all very well – The Donald is slated to win that one in perpetuity – but it’s the Scandi laureate that is the real deal. The one that people will remember. And what more could the US president have possibly done to secure the £1m prize last year than to end at least eight global conflicts. Including ones between countries that didn’t even know they were at war with one another. Still, the Albanians and the Azerbaijanis must be very relieved to have taken part in a war in which no shots were ever fired.
But Donald Trump is nothing if not a trier. He wants that Nobel prize badly. So his new year resolution for 2026 has been to adopt the Donroe doctrine of selective regime change. Start a small war in order to prevent a much bigger one. A service to the rest of the world. I mean, no one much liked Nicolás Maduro – least of all most Venezuelans – so he won’t be much missed when he is kidnapped and thrown in a New York slammer.
A few people might quibble that if the US was really cracking down on “narco-terrorism”, then The Donald might have gone after the former Honduran president who had already been convicted in a US court. Though for some reason, Agent Orange chose to pardon him instead. Probably just an oversight. An easy mistake to make. After all only a diehard cynic would imagine the coup had anything to do with Venezuelan oil reserves. Keir Starmer will be kicking himself. All he had to do to keep his promise of reducing everyone’s energy bills by £300 was to invade Venezuela, remove Maduro and install a more amenable government.
