Mel Robbins recently wrote an opinion piece in The New York Times, titled “Life is Too Short To Fight With Your Family.” As a family therapist and social worker who has worked with children and families in foster care for over five years, I was intrigued by what this renowned podcast host and best-selling self-help writer might have to say about family dynamics. When I read the article, however, I couldn’t believe her words.
Although the main themes of the article are about acceptance and forgiveness, she also implies people aren’t trying hard enough and are too stubborn. She argues, “We’re letting our closest relationships disintegrate through neglect, busyness and an unwillingness to move past the things that bother us.” She also assumes that fighting with family is trivial in the grand scheme of things, writing, “Everything doesn’t have to be so darkly serious – and relationships don’t have to be a battle of wills.” To me, the whole thing came off as both shaming and one dimensional.
There are many reasons why cutting contact with family might sometimes be the best thing a person can do for themselves, like in the case of physical, sexual, emotional and/or psychological abuse. Just because they’re family doesn’t mean it’s OK for them to hurt you and that you have to continue tolerating it.
