You really want me to review my buy? Yes, it was fine. But that is where I would like our relationship to end
W
hen I buy something online, I don’t want to receive more than two emails: one to confirm my order has been received, and another to tell me when it will be delivered. The numerous notifications we receive while browsing, buying and then waiting for delivery are presumably meant to be reassuring. But since when is harassment reassuring?
At the till, there are more questions. “Do you want to give us your information, or check out as a guest?” You check out as a guest. People are meant to be kind to guests. But, after paying, someone screams into your face. “Sign up to this third-party website that has nothing to do with the store and get £15 CASHBACK!!!!!” It couldn’t sound more nefarious. You race out of the shop, pursued by a final assailant. “How did we do? Please rate our service from one to 5!”
The bus ride home is no quieter. The driver remarkably announces: “Your item has been dispatched.” An old man next to you nudges your ribs and sagely whispers into your ear: “Your item is on its way.”
