My offer to host dinner is declined. My cooking is never good. Triumph lies in the fact food is cooked and not full of bacteria
Yeah, I’m gonna say it – stop with the fetishisation of sandwiches, already! Obviously we’ve had the annual rejoicing over the advent (Ha! See what I did there?) of the Pret Christmas offering and the paler imitations thereafter by lesser chains and retail outlets. Now Harrods is getting in on the act with a £29 version on sale at its steakhouse, the Grill on Fifth. It consists of a burger patty (and listen, let’s get rid of the word ‘patty’ while we’re about it, shall we? Why? Because it’s viscerally hateful, that’s why), roast turkey breast, stuffing, a pig in a blanket, spiced red cabbage, cranberry sauce and turkey gravy.
Stop it. Stop it now. Stop with fancy sandwiches because – stop with pretending sandwiches are proper food. Cold food is not proper food. Cold food you can eat in one hand while you walk home or back to the office from the place you bought it is definitely not food. It’s what you eat until and unless you can hie yourself to a hot meal and be happy again. And, as for paying £29 for the privilege – well, unless somewhere under the cranberry sauce and turkey gravy is a cheque for £35 or a nice plate of risotto, you people are fools to yourselves.
