From a cranberry katsu curry to a dozen thickly glazed doughnuts, the biggest chains are getting Christmassy. I found out which seasonal meals will leave you carolling and carousing – and which will leave you cold
B
y now, most major fast food outlets will have launched their festive special. There is no established framework for what “festive” means, and no recognised metrics of Christmassyness. It could be indicated by a lurid green/angry red colour in a place you’re not expecting it (McDonald’s Grumble Pie, I’m looking at you); or an existing thing, made into a more seasonal shape, or the introduction of a quintessential Christmas ingredient, such as a brussels sprout (though seriously, food giants, get over yourself if you think it’s cinnamon – this is an autumn spice).
I am not here to critique the essentials of fast food (I love it). If you want someone who will come over like the critic in Ratatouille, you’re just going to have to go and rewatch Ratatouille. I am merely here to eat six festive specials, and ask myself: do I feel Christmassy, punk?
We all know what a katsu curry looks like, right? A mound of rice; simple, breaded fried chicken sliced along each side; with a sweet thick sauce of miso, soy, ginger, honey and other stuff over the whole lot, to create a plate that is defiantly beige and homogenous, a gauntlet to all norms of food presentation. The sheer audacity of tweaking that for Christmas effect, plus the simplicity of the fix – exactly the same curry, with cranberries – were both impressive. My son ate a regular katsu as a control, because he’s a good boy. He said the limited edition was exactly right: they’re trying to convey Christmas spirit, not recreate Christmas dinner. The difference was subtle, unless you don’t like cranberries, in which case it’s like a siren. I do like cranberries. It was fractionally more calorific than the regular version, whereas technically, in order to be festive, a dish has to be 10 times more energy dense, and only 30p more expensive. So you might knock a couple of points off for that, but then give them back, because the first oath of festive variation is “do no harm”.
