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Chelsea Football Club, an apology. Football Daily, and many others, would like to admit we might have poked rather too much fun at the machinations of the institution that brought us such chortlesome items as amortisation, nine-year contracts, spending a billion quid, stockpiling young players, flogging hotels to linked companies for accountancy reasons and selling a globally admired women’s team to linked companies for accountancy reasons. What larks we had! Todd Boehly, sweat-panted sire of soccernomics, we salute you. Behdad Eghbali, prince of pincer-like movements to snap up Geovany Quenda, Dário Essugo and Kendry Páez, whoever they are, take a bow. Clearlake Capital, Mark Walter and Hansjörg Wyss, names not mentioned enough, you guys have broken the mould. Who says private equity firms, global investment suits and nonagenarian Swiss billionaire financiers know nothing about football? Football Daily’s flat-capped, flat-earthers have been made to look dafter than ever.
On Tuesday in Bigger Cup, as Barcelona were made to look rather less than a football team, let alone more than a club, the Chelsea project flowered in front of the planet’s eyes. In Estêvão the club appears to boast what in the USA USA USA they call a “franchise player”. His performance overshadowed that of Lamine Yamal, making Spanish football’s prime asset resemble last year’s smartphone compared to Estêvão’s bright and shiny new model, with special AI functions, better camera and all that jazz. Talking of Spaniards, Marc Cucurella, previously mocked as a Louis XIV-haired waste of £60m from feeder club Brighton, did a right number on Lamine Yamal, the latest impressive showing from one of the most improved players around.
