Psychologists say this 'green flag' is one of the strongest predictors of a successful relationship—it can be 'hard to spot'

We’re often inundated with relationship advice that rarely captures the complexity of what actually makes love work.

As a couples counselor with a decade of experience working with couples and individuals trying to find and stay in love, I’ve found that one of the most underrated signs of a healthy and resilient relationship is a concept called “mutual influence.”

Coined by married psychologists Drs. John and Julie Gottman, mutual influence means that you are willing to let your partner’s needs, vulnerabilities, and perspectives shape you, and even change something about your own behavior.

This quality generally only comes into focus during moments of tension or disagreement, not during easy harmony. At the beginning of a relationship, everyone is usually on their best behavior, which can make this valuable green flag hard to spot early on.

Here’s how to identify and develop it in your own relationship.