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There was a moment on Match of the Day (midweek Bigger Cup version) when presenter Mark Chapman observed that the five English teams in the competition had won by an aggregate score of 19-2 and enquired of his studio pundits if this was indicative of the financial heft of the Greatest League In The World™. Not a man widely renowned for his vast repertoire of zingers, the former Liverpool full-back Stephen Warnock was quick to point out that if had not been for the outstanding performance of Guglielmo Vicario in the Tottenham goal away at Monaco, the aggregate score in matches featuring teams from the English top flight would have been closer to 19-19. In an ideal world, Warnock would have unclipped his microphone, dropped it on the pristine studio floor, walked out of Salford’s Media City and taken his one-gag, one-man show on a nationwide tour. However, being a consummate professional he elected to remain in the company of Chappers, Andy Cole and Guillem Balagué to watch the goals from a series of shellackings that took place in Uefa’s blue riband club competition in gameweek three.
While only time will tell if it happened to be an anomalous week or the preponderance of high, one-sided scorelines (eg 6-1, 4-0, 2-7, 6-2, 0-4, 4-0, 5-1, 1-5) are indicative of something a little more sinister, the fact remains that notwithstanding the 0-0 hiding Monaco dished out to Tottenham, eight different teams out of the 36 contesting this season’s Bigger Cup won by at least four goals. With 71 scored across 18 games, the current Bigger Cup gameweek was the highest ever in the competition, although it behoves us to remind readers that the current format boasts two more matches per week than in its previous incarnation. For those pointing the Big Finger Of Blame at a disparity of quality between Traditional European Heavyweights and Minnows, it’s worth noting that of all the drubbings dished out this week, none came at the expense of your Qarabags, Kairat Almatys, Pafosas or Bodø/Glimts. On the contrary, it was the likes of Bigger Cup regulars such as Lazio, Bayer Leverkusen, Atlético Madrid and Ajax who got caned. Unable to play in their own stadium because it’s too ramshackle, Union Saint-Gilloise were the most minnowy side to ship a hiding – a 4-0 reverse against Inter – but they’re the Belgian champions and part-owned by Tony Bloom, a shrewdie who is as far from being a feckless football club-owning spiv as it is possible to be.
