Men want to be active, engaged parents, but many are being torn apart by the competing demands of family and work
C
an men really have it all? It’s a ridiculous question, obviously; a loaded assumption that women spent years clambering out from under. Mothers have worked long and hard to dispel the myth that anyone should be able to single-handedly juggle a job, children, a happy relationship and a meaningful life without ever breaking sweat or (more pertinently) needing help.
And to some extent we have succeeded, judging by a survey of 5,000 UK fathers published this week by the charity Working Families which found three-quarters now say they genuinely want to share the parenting load equally with their partners. Except, it seems, the outside world has yet to catch up.
One in five men said they had been asked, when requesting time off work for family reasons, where their wife or partner was. Translation: isn’t that her job? And perhaps, sotto voce: if in your house it’s not her job, what kind of man does that make you? Most of the other hurdles men reported – such as being challenged on whether the family crisis was really so urgent, or worrying that their boss would think less of them for asking – will be wearily familiar to most working mothers. But I’ve never been asked why I can’t just get my husband to do it all, in a way that implies there must be something wrong with me if not.
