After years of marriage, my husband thinks I’m still trying to find his hideous painting of Bobby Moore ‘the right frame’ so it can go on the wall. It’s these subtle interior design lies that keep a relationship going
G
ame recognises game. A new, recently engaged friend of mine let slip this week that he has some Lord of the Rings memorabilia in the flat he shares with his fiancee, including a huge map of Middle-earth that is currently not on the wall, because they’re “looking for the right frame.” Well played, that fiancee. Chef’s kiss.
This couple are in their extremely early 30s, so hats off to her even more, for already being so skilled at an essential long-term relationship manoeuvre that not only has she pulled it off perfectly, BUT her future husband is blissfully unaware it’s even happened. The right frame for that map is, clearly, a bin. However, she can’t come right out and tell him that, as there is a delicate language involved in negotiating the interior design … let’s call them “compromises” you are required to make when sharing a home with your significant other.
When I met my husband, in pride of place in his bachelor pad living room was the only “proper” piece of art he has ever bought. It’s a painting of an apparently iconic football moment between a couple of men called Bobby Moore and Pelé, who are embracing, topless. It appears homoerotic but supposedly isn’t. The background is a colour that must surely be called Wince Turquoise, because it’s so bright and lurid that your eyes narrow and your teeth bare involuntarily when you see it. We have been looking for the right frame for this great work for nearly two decades now.
