Many of us try to reframe our disappointments, to put a happy face on sad circumstances. But the path to growth is paved with difficult emotions, and we have to experience them honestly
I
hope you had a good summer: I did not. On the day we were supposed to be going on holiday, I was sitting in A&E with my husband, waiting for him to have urgent but routine surgery, which meant our travel plans had to be cancelled.
From this experience I learned something valuable, all over again, about how hard it is for me to feel bad when things go wrong. I’m not talking about life-altering traumas, but the more everyday, quietly devastating disappointments that – unless we can actually feel them – will really weigh us down.
When we were supposed to be on holiday but weren’t, I kept feeling a tug towards finding the positive: “I can book a replacement trip”; “At least we have travel insurance”; “This’ll give me something to write about”. But I never felt better, just a bit depressed. And then I would bump up against the reality that this holiday really was gone: my husband’s surgery required frequent agonising dressing changes, and there is a limited time window for an enjoyable break on the Belgian coast. So, no holiday. Just disappointment and frustration, pain and care.
