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There are two debates brewing about redistricting. One involves politics. The other may involve your love life.In the dating world, people are "ZIP coding," a practice that involves dating only people within a particular ZIP code. ZIP coding can take different forms, depending on who you ask. In the most common version, people set such a tight radius on their dating app filters that they keep themselves from meeting anyone outside their ZIP code.For some, ZIP coding goes even further: They'll date someone exclusively while that person is in their region, but then consider themselves single when that person's outside their ZIP code. Think college students who are monogamous during the school year, but date others when home for the holidays. Or having a boyfriend only while you're together at summer camp.It all speaks to an obsession with location that Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," says has taken over dating and is not healthy."We expect everything to be tailored, fast and frictionless, as if love should work like food delivery," she says. "But that approach can become narcissistic, focused on what’s easiest for us and what appeals to our egos, rather than what fosters real connection."'ZIP coding' and the truth about getting hung up on location"Location, location, location" may be a guiding principle in real estate. But should it be a bedrock of dating, too?Of course, dating someone nearby has its perks. But when location gets prioritized above all else − or it becomes the only standard for deciding to commit to someone, as in the case of some "ZIP coders" − it starts to become an issue."When you make dating about convenience first and connection second, you’re filtering out people for reasons that don’t actually matter," Chan says. "It’s less about being open to love and more about being ruled by ego."This goes for people who commit temporarily to those they're nearby, too, a version of ZIP coding that Chan says reflects today's ultracasual approach to dating. "It's connection without commitment, convenience over investment," she says.Not to mention, ZIP coding can lead to serious heartbreak. "going thru his phone after agreeing to do zipcode dating bc being at different colleges was hard," one TikToker wrote, with an audio that says "If you're going to be stupid, you better be tough."Fitness instructor Cody Rigsby summed up the version of the trend that involves committing temporarily to someone while they're nearby on TikTok as: "It's giving, 'I didn't know he had a wife and three kids.'"Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge and author of the book "How to Not Die Alone," has previously warned against the dangers of "relation-shopping" − or picking out a partner like you'd shop for a pair of shoes. In Chan's view, "ZIP coding," no matter what form it takes, is just another version of that.Are you guilty of 'ZIP coding'?For recovering ZIP coders, it's important to get clear on what's actually a deal breaker and what's just a preference.Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, previously told USA TODAY that you can figure this out by writing three simple lists for yourself: What you must have in a partner, what would be nice to have in a partner and what you want to avoid. Ask yourself, is location really that important to you? If so, why?"You only want to focus on traits that will matter for you multiple years from now, assuming you're looking for a long-term partner," Anderson said.When you start to let go of your hard-and-fast rules and look beyond your horizons, you might be surprised by who you meet. Chan recalls how, when one of her clients stopped obsessing over ZIP codes, it completely changed her love life."A client of mine had a strict 'downtown only' rule," Chan says. "Then she matched with a guy who lived in the suburbs. I encouraged her to go on the date and she did. After a few dates, she was sharing how it was easy to talk to him, and there appeared to be a lot of alignment in values but she was still stuck on the location thing. I told her to focus on the green flags instead of his ZIP code. Four years later, they’re still together. Oh and guess what? She now lives in the suburbs with him."
