Mouth tape, chin straps, heatless curlers — oh my. Once upon a time, brushing your teeth was enough. Now, TikTok wants you to ”go to bed ugly to wake up pretty,” which is harmless in theory — but if your mouth is taped shut and your hair resembles a Renaissance torture device, when exactly are you supposed to have sex?
Beauty has always been high maintenance, but the shift now is in the packaging: It’s often branded as self-care. As a beauty editor, I know how much time, money and energy it demands — and I also know how empowering it feels to move through the world in skin you feel confident in. Full disclosure: I’m writing this with a lip stain on, a $40 face cream and 20 units of Botox in my crow’s feet (apparently still “not enough”).
While these things can help me feel confident, I can also admit the obsession tilts quickly into something else — something less like self-care and more like self-policing. I’m convinced somewhere a shareholder is laughing at our morning shed TikToks. Because at the end of the day, who’s really profiting from all this time, money and energy? And more urgently: What is all this optimizing doing to our love lives?
We talked to Alexandra Solomon, a licensed clinical psychologist, adjunct professor at Northwestern University, author and host of the podcast ”Reimagining Love,” to explore what a 12-step nighttime routine might be costing us in connection.
