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Fifty-five years have passed since James Brown, singer, songwriter and minister of new super-heavy funk, released a song about people who “like a dull knife [that] just ain’t cutting”, were “talking loud and saying nothing”. Manchester United would probably have preferred to prompt thoughts of Brown’s I Feel Good but they are where they are – and if they ever do shake their money-makers they could probably then benefit from dropping a few of them. Sometimes we don’t get to choose which 70s deep funk classic we unwittingly call to mind, and Ruben Amorim left no doubt when after Wednesday night’s ineffably miserable defeat by Grimsby he opined about feeling “my players spoke really loud today … At half-time I told them that they were speaking really loud to me. I understand what you are doing, what I am seeing.” Like a dull knife, they just weren’t cutting.
In this way United’s players contrasted pleasingly with Grimsby’s fans, who while also talking loud were definitely saying something, specifically about someone getting sacked in the morning.
If only the Portuguese could work out how to inspire his charges to get up (get on up). At a push he might be able to take ’em to the bridge, but they would almost certainly then want to jump off it. And now many are doubting whether Amorim will even be able to stay on the scene – like, for example, a lovin’ machine.
