The prosecution: Rasheeda

double quotation markThe smell is intense, persistent and makes me nauseous. If she knows I hate it, she should stop

My friend and flatmate Farrah loves incense, but I hate it. I knew it was going to be a problem when I moved into her flat 18 months ago, and she was walking around “sageing” the rooms for “energy-cleansing”. I said: “What the hell are you doing?”Whenever I came home, Farrah would have incense sticks burning. I asked her to not do it when I was at home and she agreed. But because she works from home and still burns it while I’m out, I’m hit by a wall of thick smoke when I come back from work. The smell really lingers throughout the whole flat.I still feel annoyed, so our agreement isn’t really working. Burning incense isn’t like lighting a scented candle. It’s heavy, persistent and strong. Incense clings to fabrics, stays in the air, and for people with sensitive sinuses (like me) it causes headaches and nausea. I also think it affects the vibe of a shared space.Farrah says it’s for the “ambience”, but it ruins it for me. She’s Muslim – as am I – from an Egyptian background, and grew up with incense at home, but I don’t think it’s insensitive to ask her not to burn it around me.She’s offered to try some sticks with a different scent, but they all smell the same to me, like burnt wood. I also find it triggering because the smell reminds me of a really tough time in my life when my cousin was using weed heavily while I lived with him. The smell makes me feel anxious, not calm.Plus, I read that too much incense burning makes the air quality in your space worse. I’m not saying Farrah’s trying to kill us slowly, but when she’s burning it several times a week in shared air, it becomes my problem too.We’ve been mates for years but, until we lived together, I didn’t know how incense-mad Farrah was.I’ve suggested essential-oil diffusers and candles, but she says they don’t have the same impact. I’ve told her that’s exactly the point, and we are kind of at a stalemate now. I just don’t think anyone should be continuously subjected to smells they find unpleasant in their own home.The defence: Farrah