The one change that worked: I was a serious coffee addict. Now, on one cup a day, I feel so much better

I kicked my habit on a retreat. Now I savour my daily coffee dose, which clears my thoughts and gives me a sense of wellbeing

‘A

little bit of what you fancy” is a call for moderation that has never worked for me. Not for my coffee habit, at least, which slides from the steely resolve to drink just two cups a day, to a wobbly-willed four, five mugs, or more. I’m better at giving it up altogether. Total detox brings the high of self-control and the illusion that I have overcome the caffeine addiction, at least until I fall off the wagon again.

But some vices shouldn’t be given up, because they bring pleasure – and coffee is one of those for me. I love its mood-transforming uplift. It revs me up and calms me down. I once gave it up for two months – my longest abstention – hoping to shake off a virulent bout of insomnia, and it seemed as if I had entered the wilderness. Life felt more austere and my sleeplessness wasn’t solved, either. It was lose-lose.

So, three months ago, I decided, emphatically, not to kick the habit (and fail again) but to enjoy a single daily dose. This was initially born out of necessity: I went to a retreat where we were limited to a single cup of freshly ground coffee a day, at a time of our choosing, and I took great pains over deciding when I’d have mine, and where. Then I savoured it, desperate to make its effects last.